Her Name is Anissa.

Lord have mercy. I swear to god, relationships are so confusing. I want to write a book, but my mind gets hazy with confusion and I just can’t do it. I swear I have Attention Deficit Disorder, commonly known as ‘ADD.’ I cannot focus for more than a certain amount of time. I think, no, I know I have this disorder. It’s a severe case for me, especially in school. That’s where it’s hard for me. I can’t focus when everyone is talking, because I have to listen to every single word that is being said by everyone in the class; therefore, my work never gets done. Also, when we’re supposed to write something the teacher says, I can’t start writing until the teacher stops talking, and normally everyone is finished before me, so I get cut off while I’m hurriedly still writing the first sentence. This whole paragraph has nothing to do with what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about how confusing relationships are until I got caught up with writing about my ADD. Haha, see what I mean?! 

Never underestimate the power of your own soul. You are the one who controls you… no matter what anyone says or does. Don’t let anyone bring you down, you are the one who is omnipotent. You decide for your own self. If you have ever looked in the mirror and called yourself ugly; smack yourself. You are not ugly, you are the most beautiful creation ever made. Smile always, because you are beautiful. 

Touching reality. God, how I wish my dreams were the real thing. The worst feeling in the world is waking up from one of the best dreams of your entire existence and the dream just floating away until you can no longer recall it. The best feeling, even though this has nothing to do with dreams, is the feeling of peeing when you have been holding it for what seems like hours. The sweet relief, oh what victory! Anyways, in my dreamland… I conquer all or I die. I can’t really grasp the thought I why I die so many times in my dreams, but I do. I run and run, but the glowing red eyes manage to catch me everytime and stab me right in the heart with that silver blade. If it’s not a death dream, it’s a dream where I’m living all happily ever after. Which is odd, because I don’t believe in happy endings like that. I just needed to get these thoughts out of my brain. Good riddance. 

I swear on my life, that I will never EVER go rollerblading again. Screw Bieber’s ‘Never Say Never.’ I repeat, I will NEVER do that activity again. Ever since that dreadful day of falling hard on my tailbone, lord have mercy, my back has been screwed. I have to twist and turn just to get comfortable. This morning when I woke up, it hurt to walk. I’m pretty sure it was indeed from falling so hard. I think it may have jolted my back some, but at this moment… I feel like I have a pinched nerve and it’s not the best feeling in the world. I am too terrified of the doctor’s to go in and see what’s going on, so I’m gonna stick with tylenol and constant stretching in my odd ways. It’s just one of those days…

Tomorrow, the sun will come out… BUT, what if it didn’t? My mind is in constant motion of ‘what if’s.’ What if… What if… What if… No one really ever considers the millions or billions of different scenarios. I could sit here and write thousands of my what if thoughts… My mind likes to think, how cliched, ‘out of the box.’ I never settle for the little things my mind comes up with. Everything builds on top of everything and anything. What if this happened? But, what if it happened like this? What if this? What if that? What if you were the last person on earth? What if the sky was always cloudy? What if animals could talk? No one thinks of these random thoughts, because everyone is used to the norm of everyday life. Just for one second, take a look around and ask “What if???” 

Lord have mercy. Mother Nature just cannot make up her mind! It felt so good this morning, you could say that it was warm; around 1o’clock the wind was blowing and it was super chilly. Now at 9o’clock it is COLD. I am really tired of the constant weather changes. It’s fall, let’s just stay cool. 

There is someone out there that is making my mind swim. This person gives me the those annoying butterflies right in the pit of your stomach, but all in all it ends up being a pleasant feeling. This person… they have made me experience a lot and they have got me all twisted into many knots. The feeling of their head on my shoulder, the way their arm wrapped around mine, our inside joke of “slapping that ass.” All of our random acts together, that’s what puts this smile on my face that I am wearing right now. I’m not sure what will come out of this, because I’m not even sure I should be ‘into’ this person. My mind is in constant confusion, but this person pointed me in the right direction… so I think I’m on the right path. I won’t be able to sleep tonight because she will be on my mind.

I am dying to find a new job, the one I have now does not pay enough. I am in major need for something new and exciting! In this economy, it’s going to be hard to find another job. BUT, I have officially applied to ‘Toys-R-Us’ and hopefully they’ll hire me for the holiday season! Let’s stay hopeful.